Growing Old In A System That Isn’t Forthcoming With Support

SHE WAS NOT family, but it didn’t make her death any easier.
The lady on the bed was Auntie Ong, a distant relative many times removed. Her room—where the walls may have been white at some point—smelled faintly of bleach and old age. The caretakers paid us no heed. They continued tending to her roommates like clockwork: by the hour, medication must be taken; at 10.15am, it is time for community games.

My mother described her as “classy” in her younger days, but her immediate family had cheated her out of her money and left the country. She was sustained by my uncle once-removed and a few other donors. Looking at her, it was hard to reconcile that description with the image of the old woman in front of me. Upon exiting the nursing home, my mother shuddered and made me promise to be her personal caregiver when she grows older. In that moment, I had smiled and nodded, but a deeper sense of unease lingered.

DUTY MEETS REALITY
Filial piety is ingrained in Malaysian culture. It is not only an abstract moral value, but a force that shapes real decisions. Even within my own family, I have witnessed important life decisions that had been made out of filial piety: my mother chose to move back to Malaysia in 2018 to care for my ailing grandmother despite the two not getting along.